It can be really difficult to have a solid systemic analysis and not use that to abdicate responsibility for one's own health. I've had times where I was really flourishing, in part as a result of a more disciplined routine, and seeing my life and health improve. It was hard to hold that alongside my critiques of the systemic factors that, in my mind, were more to blame for my suffering than my "choices." It just feels really contradictory to on the one hand say "the mental health and addiction epidemic is the byproduct of late capitalist alienation and disconnection" and then on the other, to see how different choices really do make an impact in how I feel.
I'm currently in a place where I've mostly abandoned my routine, and the discipline it took to maintain it, as a result of some setbacks that left me feeling depressed. It's been very easy to blame those setbacks on systemic factors and to pretend like I'm powerless over my addictions that have started to creep back in to self-medicate the depression. On the other hand, it's a struggle to accept some responsibility for my situation without an accompanying sense of shame, which is why it can be adaptive to acknowledge systemic factors: that engenders self-compassion. The key seems to be finding the right balance between awareness of systemic factors (and the accompanying self-love) without lapsing into powerlessness, which only serves to inflame the self-loathing voice that knows I have some agency I'm choosing to abdicate.
ooft this hits me hard. i recently deleted twitter and instagram for similar reasons and so much of this resonates with me and my own experience of feeling compulsive about social media. thank you so much for this!
I have been putting a lot of thought into my relationship with social media. Particularly twitter (x) so this post found me at the right time. I'm not quite ready to fully break up with the platforms, but this has given me a lot to think about. I appreciate the writing and experiences shared here.
It can be really difficult to have a solid systemic analysis and not use that to abdicate responsibility for one's own health. I've had times where I was really flourishing, in part as a result of a more disciplined routine, and seeing my life and health improve. It was hard to hold that alongside my critiques of the systemic factors that, in my mind, were more to blame for my suffering than my "choices." It just feels really contradictory to on the one hand say "the mental health and addiction epidemic is the byproduct of late capitalist alienation and disconnection" and then on the other, to see how different choices really do make an impact in how I feel.
I'm currently in a place where I've mostly abandoned my routine, and the discipline it took to maintain it, as a result of some setbacks that left me feeling depressed. It's been very easy to blame those setbacks on systemic factors and to pretend like I'm powerless over my addictions that have started to creep back in to self-medicate the depression. On the other hand, it's a struggle to accept some responsibility for my situation without an accompanying sense of shame, which is why it can be adaptive to acknowledge systemic factors: that engenders self-compassion. The key seems to be finding the right balance between awareness of systemic factors (and the accompanying self-love) without lapsing into powerlessness, which only serves to inflame the self-loathing voice that knows I have some agency I'm choosing to abdicate.
ooft this hits me hard. i recently deleted twitter and instagram for similar reasons and so much of this resonates with me and my own experience of feeling compulsive about social media. thank you so much for this!
Great essay
I have been putting a lot of thought into my relationship with social media. Particularly twitter (x) so this post found me at the right time. I'm not quite ready to fully break up with the platforms, but this has given me a lot to think about. I appreciate the writing and experiences shared here.